Planned Convalecence

I’ve been trying to write an update to what’s been going on the last week, but it’s been hard to concentrate long enough to be coherent. I don’t intend for this to come across as whining. I’m just want to document and share my experience.

The steroids that I’m on are some of the strongest available and I started on a pretty high dose. I’m over the halfway point tapering off of them, but my body is still flooded with them. I’ve only had one good night’s sleep and that was only six hours. The rest of the nights I’ve spent either lying in bed wide awake with my racing thoughts or trying to read. Half the time, while doing either one, I’m in a dreamy/hallucinating state. My days have been spent in much the same way, trying to read or watch a show, but unable to concentrate on anything. It took me three days to finally find a book that I found interesting enough to try to finish and I know my brain was inserting things into the stories that weren’t actually there. I’m also taking painkillers which don’t help my mental state all that much either. I’ve been an emotional wreck, flipping from highs to lows rapidly. I’ve basically been a catatonic psychotic junkie, waiting until the next round of drugs.

Maura is a saint to have put up with me this week, I know I haven’t been the easiest to be around. At times, even the smallest noise makes my eardrums reverberate, which triggers an earthquake of pain and misery in my head. When the neighbor was having her driveway replaced last weekend, I was ready for murder.

At this point, I’m trying to cut back on the pain medication but if I wait too long to take it, my head really starts hurting. The doctor mentioned the possibility that I might need another round of the steroids to make sure to stop any swelling, and I’m beginning to suspect that it might happen. I’ve sent them a message to see what to do next and I hope to hear from them tomorrow.

I’ve also been feeling really guilty about missing work. I know it’s been a hard week for my coworkers and I feel bad not being there to help. I’m not going to push myself either though. I wouldn’t be much help even if I were there right now.

Thank you, everyone, for your emails, notes, and support through this. I may not be able to respond right away, but it really helps.

One thought on “Planned Convalecence

  1. pat cluthe

    Jake I wish it were going a little easier for you. I don’t need to tell you to hang in there as I know you are dealing with this well considering all you have gone through.I hope maybe you can get some answers today from the doctor. Sending love and prayers- pat

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