Yeah. I saw it, I’m blogging about it. Matrix Revolutions. I liked it. I was entertained, it made me think; it made me feel. What more can I honestly ask of any experience? So, what is the meaning of life then? There was some stuff that hit really close to home to my current state of mind. It was kind of frightening actually, although they are the same existential questions asked by anyone that thinks too much. Basically, the meaning of life is our choices, or our ability to choose. Love helps too, but, as the movie points out, it is just a word to represent the connection to another person. That. That connection. I realized how important connections are fairly recently. I am pretty good at some level of connection, an intellectual connection, even an emotional connection sometimes. But physical connections have me baffled. I crave them but they scare the hell out of me. They are way too important too me. By that I mean that I wish I could treat them like they were more commonplace, something that happens every day. But, unfortunately, they don’t. And I don’t mean sexual contact necessarily, although that too. Simple hugs, hands on shoulders, even handshakes. Contact, human contact. Why does it baffle me like it does?

Anyway, choices. Who I am now, where I am now, has everything to do with the choices I have made in the past. I often don’t choose, I just sit and wait for life to happen, but even that is a choice. It often leads to more frustration than making a bad decision, however. I need to be less afraid of making those decisions. If I do make a bad one, learn from it and go on. Act. Stop merely reacting. I need to take more responsibility for life. I need to take what control I can, no matter how much of an illusion that control is. I need to do the best I can with what I have at any given moment, any less is not living. And now I babble…

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