I just posted the entries from my old blog to this one. There is some good stuff there. Some sad stuff in there too. You can read about the end of my marriage. Although, the way this blog is set up, you have to do some searching to find the old stuff. I’ve been feeling the emptiness of life this weekend. Why do I do that to myself? I love spending time alone, I love to read and listen to music and write and all sorts of things that are easier to do alone. Why do I feel so lonely then? I have friends, some new, some old. I know I could call any of them. It’s not about that though. Sometimes I get so disassociated from myself. look at myself as if it were someone else’s life. It’s not a comfortable feeling. We can be our own worst judge. I love who I am, it’s really not about self confidence. I just seem to convince myself that life will be better as soon as this or that happens. This week, for instance. Although there is some truth to that this time. Friday morning will be very stressful. After it’s over, life will be better. I will know something, at least I hope to know something about the way the future will pan out. I hate this uncertainty. I know that all this change will take time. I have to be patient with it, with myself. This IS my new life. It has begun, make the best of it. This is something I know how to do. I started over many times in my childhood, over and over and over – we moved around a lot. I’m just tired of feeling mystified about life, I want a little certainty.

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