I have not been writing much lately and the stuff I have written was terrible – I just deleted it all. So, here I am again with a clean slate. Life, huh? I learn to relax and let life do what it will, then something (good) happens and I lose my mind all over again. All I can say is what I have said before, women make me stupid. For some unfathomable reason, I go insane when it comes to relations with the opposite sex. Someone expresses an interest and I think she’s the one; she says slow down and it’s all over. The truth is, I really don’t believe that there is one person out there that is meant solely for me. There are all sorts of people out there that could be a good match. Part of my recent troubles is that it’s been so damn long since I even looked. That’s what a bad marriage will do to you I guess.

So, now it’s time to start over. Almost everything in my former life is gone. It was an illusion, but it was all I had, at the time it was comfortable. This is hard. It’s exciting, but it’s scary. I don’t want to do it alone, but I’m all I really have. I have some great friends, and I really have no trouble meeting people. But I have to be true to myself, I have to be able to make my own way, or I am not truly living. It will happen in time. I just wish it would hurry up a little. I want my own place – I want to be able to pay my bills, and eat my own food, and have a place that I can call home. It’s okay to ask for help getting there, but I have to ultimately get there. I want to really believe in myself.

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